An e-mail for malstrom

No, it's not from me.

First of all, I find it hilarious that this guy's suggestions are almost exactly what the 'leak' says, only furthering my point.

Here's a clip of what he said about Link's Awakening:

The next interesting bit is that Ganon is not the villain of the game. Third, there is no Princess Zelda, and fourth there is no Triforce, and fifth, there is no Master Sword.

Wow.

He then pretty much goes on to itemize what he wants in a Zelda game, by listing things you can do in The Elder Scrolls series.

I don’t want one kingdom to explore. I want many kingdoms. I don’t want just a village, I want to explore remote settlments, colonies, traverse hostile wilderness, accidentally come across an encampment of bad guys and have to fight them. I want diverse habitats and ecosystems.
...
I want the freedom to either storm into a fort full of badguys with a sword in one hand and a bomb with a lit fuse in the other. Or I would like the ability to use a hook and rope to rappel up into the fort and try to sneak through.
...
There shouldn’t be any “dungeons.” Maybe I need to storm a castle to get an important item. Maybe I need to raid an underground catacomb filled with zombies or mummies to get an item. Maybe infiltrating a monastary requires Link to leap and bound over the surrounding rooftops before sneaking in through the bell tower. Maybe I have to haul ass on my horse to intercept a bunch of ruffians in order to save a fair maiden they kidnapped. Maybe I have to sneak into a prison to rescue an old man who has information I need, or whatever.
...
When I start the game I want to look like a wimp, and then by the end of the game I want to see Link wearing armor, and his Master Sword needs to glowing so bright that it could be used as a lamp in dark places. I want a visual progression to help emphasize Link’s progression through the game, and display the ultimate culmination of all his trials and tribulations. If a guy in a green tunic came up to me and told me he was about to storm a heavily fortified castle with just his sword I would laugh. If I saw a guy come up wearing heavy armor glowing with magic energy and armed with magic and weapons and more than enough gadgets to make even MacGuyver envious, I’d be more willing to take him seriously. I sure as hell wouldn’t laugh.

A guy wearing heavy armor glowing with magic energy? You mean like this?


Anyway, my reaction is similar to Malstroms, this guy doesn't want 'platforming,' because he does not want Mario. If he did, he would play Mario. Despite what he seems to be saying, he does not want Elder Scrolls V: Hyrule. He, like the rest of us, wants more action in Zelda. It's like people I've read in message boards. They seem to thing that 'enemies doing more damage' will solve the problem of 'Zelda has become too easy.' No, there is one big glaring problem with Zelda. What is the biggest complaint about Ocarina? Both Malstrom and the E-mailer mentioned this. Is it the annoying fairy? The tired story about Ganon, Zelda, and the Triforce? No. It's the freaking Water Temple. The last time I played through Ocarina, guess what? I didn't last long after the Water Temple. The main reason is probably because I forgot one key and ended up backtracking though the whole dungeon (because you have to do that to change the water level even once) to get one key.

The thing is, I think that this guy has unintentionally stumbled upon and downplayed a huge part part of the charm of Zelda. You are just a guy in a green tunic and you do storm a heavily fortified castle with just your sword. The problem in Zelda nowadays is that it doesn't feel like that anymore.

Anyone can put on magic armor and look awesome(there is another more appropriate word to use here involving bad donkeys, but I don't use that language). It takes a special kind of person, however, to be dressed in naught but a green tunic and still look awesome, be armed with naught but a sword and still kick trash and take names.

Zelda Wii 'leak'

Deep in a secret lair, a plan is brewing....

Hm, let's see. If I were to fake a leak about an upcoming Zelda game, what would I put in it to get the fanboys excited over?

Well, it would definitely be another game staring the Link from Ocarina of Time. (known around those circles as the Hero of Time. Oh, and by the way, yes they're not just all the same guy.)

And...Yes, definitely have it not take place in Hyrule, that combined with the Hero of Time would garner hopes of Termina. Oh, no Zelda or Ganondorf, either. Because they're the 'reason the series is getting stale.' Probably have a plot not involving the Triforce, either. Brilliant!

Um, what else? Oh, oh, I know! The fairy from the concept art that everyone thinks is the Master Sword isn't the Master Sword, and she isn't annoying and always popping up like the infamous Navi from Ocarina, or Midna from Twilight Princess. I'll have them, now!

What else? Oh, yeah, I have to include what the developers said somehow! There's not the same dungeon-overworld-dungeon setup anymore. Of course, I wouldn't mention that this probably means that the overworld will be minimized (or not be there at all) like in Spirit Tracks. No, I want them to believe me, which means they have to like me.

I need to ignore what Miyamoto said about it being a 'new era' for Zelda, since that could clash with how it's the Hero of Time. He could have been talking about the dungeon setup, but still.. Oh wait! It's the Hero of Time, so time travel must play a part. It can work either way, now! Mwahahahaha!

What!? Someone beat me to it? NOOOOO! Now I have to think of something else.

Press Start

Now that I've had some time to think about the movie and watch it a couple more times, I think I'm able to write a review.

So, Press Start.


I think one of this movie's greatest strength is that it actually tells a story rather than being a random spoofing of everything and everything without any real point, which you get in Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and their ilk. You heard it here; Press Start has better writing that the Scary Movie sequels.

The story revolves around Zack Nimbus, the Anime-haired protagonist who is recruited by Sam (a space suit wearing, er, NOT bounty hunter) and Lin-Ku, (a homicidal Ninja who used to compete in tournaments where single punches would result in buckets of blood. You know the one.) and with the help of a little annoying yellow sprite named Zippy, sets off to counter the forces of Count Nefarious Vile, whose evil empire threatens Zack's little suburban town of, er, suburbia.

I'd like to take a minute and talk about Count Vile, who is the most original character in the movie. Rather than being based on some evil overlord, he's actually more of a business manager and would rather sit and talk with his friend Vlad over the phone and leave the management to his assistant, Johnson.

The movie's other greatest strength is that the actors are actually actors. Not to say that there's any big name A-list actors, (their biggest names are Carlos and Dan Pesina, who played Raiden and Johnny Cage, respectively, in the early Mortal Kombat games) but the people they got are actually capable of acting, which is more than you can say about most of the movies like this.

It's actually good, in that low-budget sort of way. It's one of those where the low budget actually kind of works for it. Not in the Ed Wood so-bad-it's-good sort of way; it knows what it is and has no illusions about being "good." Really it's more like Turkish Rambo: They know they don't have the high budgets, but they work with it and have fun anyway. This should come as no surprise, since Dark Maze (who made the movie) is responsible for the American release of Turkish Rambo.

I would definitely recommend this movie. If you're not sure you want to spend the money to see it, check out the Press Start Adventures which you can find here. Season 1 serves as a sort of prequel to the movie, while the following seasons are a follow-up.

It has arrived!

I hold in my hands what is indeed the greatest movie since Dragonball: Evolution. (I'll get to that one later. Just suffice it to say, I was never a fan of Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball GT, etc. etc. etc., so I could sit back an enjoy the movie for the sheer awesomeness that it is.)

Where do I even begin to review this movie? It's so packed full of nods and references to every video game in existence from Mortal Kombat to Ghosts and Goblins that I couldn't even begin to describe them all. And I don't really want to. This is a movie that has to be seen.

So what can I say other than to buy it yourself and bask in it's glory. Best $12.99 I've ever spent, I can assure you of that.

My mind, it has been blown.

Last night, I found something so amazing my head almost exploded.



TURKISH RAMBO!

Not enough? how about this?



That Rocket Launcher is epic.

This, however, is what made my head asplode.



This looks to be the greatest movie since Dragonball Evolution. I have a copy in the Mail right now, so we shall see.

Expect a review soon.

Whaaa?

What is this? A black controller? I have to get one in black if I want to get it with Wii Motion Plus?

I'm all for having Wii remotes in different colors (finally), but black? PS3 controllers are black. The 360 has black controllers to be 'cool' and to go with their black 'elite' system. Is Nintendo trying to weaken the barriers between systems? Why? People are buying the Wii because it's drastically different from the other systems. What, are they going to start putting out black consoles now?


WHAT!? They already released one in Europe!?

Bad Nintendo! Bad! Don't appeal to the hardcore, they still laugh at the lack of HD. Didn't you learn anything with The Conduit?

Alright, let me take a deep breath, all might not be lost. Malstrom's got a new article with a new thought. Nintendo seems to be planning on releasing Zelda Wii this year, when all the information we have is a piece of development art, Miyamoto's promise that it will be a 'New Era,' and Aonuma talking about flying. Not even a trailer. Could Malstrom be right? Are they just dumping the project so that they can start on a better one? One with Wii Motion Plus combat? I still think there's no hope for Zelda Wii, but there might be hope beyond that.

I'm crossing my fingers.

A plea for Nintendo

I know you have guys working on the new Zelda. I know that Eiji Aonuma is now the guy in charge of development, and I know that these guys love to put puzzles and trains into a fantasy Action/RPG because Mr. Aonuma's son likes it.

But please, PLEASE do something for me. Not just me, but every fan of your beloved series.

I've had Wii Sports Resort sitting around for a while, and I haven't played it much since I bought it, but today I decided to pull it out. I tried something that I hadn't played before, the "challenge" under the swordplay option.

DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN ZELDA WII! I can't express in words the amount of fun that I had playing the challenge mode, but I can say that the amount of fun I had wasn't in just playing the game; while I was playing I envisioned a full game devoted to this sort of combat system, dreamed of one day playing as Link, cutting down enemies left and right. The glee I felt playing, the satisfaction when I finished a level, I haven't felt these lately outside of New Super Mario Brothers Wii.

Please, I know I don't speak alone, and I know that with every Zelda game you make, more and more of your loyal fanbase leaves. Spirit Tracks was the breaking point for me. Despite the train I still had hope, but I put it down after I made it through the first dungeon and haven't picked it up since. I doubt I will be picking it back up anytime in the near future. One can only take so much. I have a glimmer of hope still deep within, waiting for more information on Zelda Wii, but given what you've let fly in recent games, I suspect that that small glimmer will be finally extinguished.

You are not immortal; despite what the 'hardcore' 90's crowd says, people will not keep buying whatever you put out simply because it's got your brand. The reason we've been sticking with you all these years is because of your consistency in putting out good games. Your current games aren't necessarily bad, but they aren't the same franchises that put you at the top, though they may share the name or look.

Please, make a New Legend of Zelda. The sales of both New Super Mario Brothers DS and Wii should not surprise you; these are the games we've been waiting for. Make a "new" Legend of Zelda, a "New" Starfox, and give me a reason to buy them, and not the ones on the Virtual Console instead. Learn from the success of New Super Mario Brothers Wii.

Aonuma is killing your franchise, and I wish you could see that. Put a leash on him before it's too late.