New Final Fantasy?

Well, that was fast. Final Fantasy XIII isn't even out in America, and it looks like Squeenix is already busy making a new one for the Wii!

You can't fool me with that 'metroid' nonsense, Game Industry, I know a Squeenix game when I see one!

Tales of Monkey Island

I've been putting this one off for a while, probably so that I didn't have to admit that the newest installation of what was once a great video game series, the long awaited Monkey Island 5...isn't good. I'll start with just a general (spoiler-free) review here, then in later posts (maybe as I replay it) I'll go through each one in more detail.

So, where do I begin here? Well, let's start with something positive. Maybe I'll do this in a good news/bad news or point/counterpoint format.

So, good news: fist point is that it's a welcome change from the atrocity that was Escape From Monkey Island, which favored an extended and overdone joke about tourists, which completely broke the game world. It would have been one thing had it been just a joke, or even a minor plot point. (I would have still hated it, but at least I could write it off) But no, it was the premise of the game. The main story. 'Guybrush vs. the Tourists.' (Granted, 'Guybrush vs. the Tourist Pirate Le Chuck' does have an odd ring to it, but maybe I'm just sick of 'Guybrush Vs. the Zombie/Demon Pirate Le Chuck' for the fourth time)

But enough about Monkey Island 4, this is about Mokey Island 5, or rather, Tales of Monkey Island. This is my first grievance for the game. It's 'not' Monkey Island 5. It takes place after the 'imaginary' Monkey Island 5. The more I think about this, the more it just seems like the reasoning here is to give the developers leave to do whatever they freaking want regardless of what's best for the series. Want to know what I mean? Read up on Malstrom's views of the Zelda series. He should be writing an article (one on his main site, not his blog) that addresses this very thing as he talks about the 'essence' of Zelda.

Good News the second: We leave the Tri-Island area to explore a new area of the 'Caribbean', the Gulf of Melange. This way we avoid a problem of Monkey Island 4, which re-tread old ground, and brought up massive ret-cons. (Herman Toothrot is Elaine's father? LOLWUT?) We leave that all behind, and I feel the game was better off for it.

Grievance the second: We leave Monkey Island with the Tri-Island area. That's right Monkey Island makes no appearance whatsoever in a game called Monkey Island. I was expecting it. The end of the forth part made a perfect set-up for it. And it didn't happen.

My only question is why? Why didn't we go to Monkey Island? Was it that hard to render Monkey Island in 3D? The treasure of Big Whoop (the source of Le Chuck's power) is in Monkey Island. No, instead Le Chuck gets his power from some vague 'voodoo energy.' This game is like a Zelda game set outside of Hyrule with Ganondorf as the main villain, Zelda's there too, and the Triforce is a non-factor and is only referred to as some vague power. (oh, wait.)

Good thing #3: The characters that you're expecting to always show up do. Stan, the Voodoo Lady, Murray, They're all there.

Grievance #3: The 'staple' characters that are stuck with always showing up make token appearances. 'Look, it's the voodoo lady!' 'Look, It's Stan, with his waving arms and impossible jacket!' 'Look! Look!! IT'S MURRAAAAAAAY!!!!!11!' *cue fanfare and fireworks, someone sreams, "Onion Bubs!"* "I will destroy you all!" quips murray. *cue laughtrack*

You know what, Murray actually reminds me of something...
Maybe I should make a Monkey Island Abridged series. *strokes beard*

You've shown me with this game that you're wanting to move on, but still you insist on beating dead horses. You insist on using the old characters, but where's Meathook? Wally? The Men of Low Moral Fiber? Was the new locale just a poor attempt at solving a 'getting stale' complaint without actually addressing the problem?

One more good thing: it's inspired a hilarious "I wonder what happens" semi-series that I just discovered, that goes through each episode before it came out. (spoilers of previous installments after the first.)

Corollary: I like the "I wonder what happens" more than I do the game.

Let's just end this with one final General Grievance: As with Zelda Twilight Princess and especially Spirit Tracks, as well as Video Game Movies (Hollywood and fan made), this game gives me the feeling that if you just changed some names and character models, you would have a separate game entirely, and nothing would really change except who gets paid. Yes, what you'd have is a rip-off/parody of Monkey Island, but that's what this is anyway. At least you'd be acknowledging what you're doing.

Do not be alarmed!

It seems my site is experiencing some...let's say, technical difficulties. I'm not sure where a few posts in particular have come from. It could be the workings of...Um, never mind. I'm sure it will be fine. Rest assured, I am looking into the cause of these...disturbances, and I'm sure that you, me, and my blog are in no immediate danger from...him.

Final Fantasy 13 bombs! Hardcore Shocked!

I, for one, am not.

I've been predicting this for months, since back at the end of January when it was number one release week in Japan and then started a rapid decline as the month wore on. I mean, a Final Fantasy selling bad in Japan? That was a really bad sign, and should have been obvious for a lot of people.

But of course, it's 'not doing that bad', and 'had a strong release' (whatever that means.) It 'of course can't compete with Mario' or the other 'casual games' on the Wii. The 'Xbox 360 release sure helped it', though.

I guess it's just something to do with the so-called 'demographics.'

I could tell from the trailers that it wasn't going to be very good. I haven't really enjoyed Final Fantasy since Squaresoft merged with Enix and the result spat out androgynous emos with increasingly convoluted storylines.

But wait, it's Final Fantasy, so it can't suck. It's HD, so it can't suck. 'Weaker' games like the Conduit suck. (because it's on the Wii, so therefore it's shovelware.) It had a lot of hype, so it can't suck. What these people think while saying the above is I spent $60 on this game, so it can't suck! I'll play it for over 40 hours just to prove to myself that it doesn't suck! I'll lose my status as biggest troll if I admit that I didn't actually like a massively hyped game!

How do I know what they're thinking? Because I was once one of them. I spent years trying to delude myself that the Zelda series didn't suck. I tried so hard to accept Twilight Princess as a game that didn't suck. I tried to convince myself that Phantom Hourglass was worth the purchase. It went so far that when they put a friggin' TRAIN in a Zelda game, I still bought it. I convinced myself that the train would be 'fun' and might be a 'new experience.' Or, my favorite self-delusion, 'It might have a train, but it will still be Zelda.' I'm going to have to save all that for a proper review, though.

One can only take so much crap before he decides it's time to take a shower. I never finished the game, and I doubt I ever will. I wonder when the breaking point will be for these people.

When will fans of these New Final Fantasies figure out that these games are crap? When will the 'Hardcore' crowd figure out that the so-called 'shovelware' is the stuff they're buying? 'But it has such good graphics, how can it be bad?' I recall a Mythbusters episode where they proved that it is, indeed possible to polish a turd.

A game cannot tell you that it is awesome, and be awesome. Hype and viral marketing cannot make a mediocre game awesome. Fancy graphics and 'epic' cinematics do not a good game make. The game, itself, has to be the one to convince me that it is awesome. It can't show me that it's awesome. It can't tell me that it's awesome. What does a game have to do? Convinve me that I'm awesome.

To revise a phrase, then. You can polish a turd, but it's still a turd.

A rant about Zelda

The problem with Zelda is the puzzles. I'm not saying remove the puzzles entirely, because that would ruin Zelda as well. The thing is, in earlier games, the puzzles weren't obvious, they were a lot more simple and subtle. There was a time when entering a dungeon didn't feel like there should be a screen pop up saying "puzzle time!" In fact, maybe that's my new name for Spirit Tracks. The Legend of Zelda: Puzzle Time.

Nah, I think I'll save that for Zelda Wii (pending more info)

Many people complain that the dungeons themselves are the problems. Aonuma has responded to this by removing the 'dungeon-overworld-dungeon' setup. That's not what people mean. The reason why people like me hate and dread the dungeons is that they're BORING. They feel like a chore. They've become little mazes with puzzle-solving in the mix, not storming the dungeon and taking out the monsters ala Elder Scrolls, the older Zeldas, and every other dungeon crawler ever made. I don't hate the dungeon/overwold set-up, in fact, I love it! I hate the fact that the overworld is diminishing, and the dungeons are regressing to puzzles.

Take Twilight Princess, for example. When I got to that last dungeon of Hyrule Castle, I was expecting to storm the castle and be taking down enemies left and right to rescue Princess Zelda like the opening to Link to the Past. What I got was a puzzle in the castle courtyard involving using the boomerang to spin the pinwheels in a particular order in order to open the gate so I can open the chest to get the key. But this isn't the key to the main doors, oh no, this key opens a door to the other side of the courtyard where I fight a bunch of monsters including their leader who finally gives me the key to the main doors.(no, seriously. Halfway through the fight he talks to you and gives you the key.) That's right, all that just to get into the castle.

That was not fun. It was only compounded by the fact that all of the enemies, even the leader, were CAKE for being the final dungeon, (or, rather, being outside of it.) And then there was forced 'arena' matches on the way where you got fenced in with terrible AI. That didn't help. At one point you're facing upwards of six enemies, in an enclosed area, with no threat of death, or even of the enemies even harming you. When I'm up against six enemies at once in the final dungeon of a game, I should be peeing myself, not being annoyed.

Alright, so I finally get into the castle, I get to really start storming it now, right? Of course not. Immediately inside, in a nice open area, I get to...hookshot onto chandeliers which activates switches that will raise platforms! In the next room I get to light torches in a particular order (because they burn out at different rates) to open the door! I get to transform into a wolf so I can see dead knights which show me the way across a pitfall-riddled floor!

Yeah, that last one sounds awesome...but describing it shows what was wrong with the whole thing. I transform into a wolf so I can talk to ghostly undead knights who show me the way across a pitfall-ridden floor...and it's nowhere near being as awesome as it sounds. It sounds awesome, but it just comes across as another puzzle. I think that the same sort of thing, set up right, dropped in between pants-wetting battles would add to a defecation-inducing level of scary-awesome that that whole dungeon should be, and is even telling me with the music and atmosphere that it should be, rather than the yawn-inducing level of boring that it is.

The game even goes so far as to taunt you with the music, which consists of the 'storming the castle' song in Link to the Past, slowly evolving into Ganon's theme. The music tells me I should be fighting off twisted guards, hordes of monsters, and whatever else a final level can throw at me. What do I get instead? PUZZLES! And a few token enemies.

There's even one point where I go outside to a terrace and am confronted by a bunch of enemies at once. All different kinds, with different strategies(which skirt dangerously close to 'puzzle' territory in and of themselves) to defeat them. I get hyped because I see a fight that might actually be a challenge. Then there's a big explosion and the super-happy-go team of the Hyrule Resistance show up. And guess what they do? Nothing! They show up, spoil the fun, and leave to let you do your thing. Thanks, guys. I thought you were annoying and unnecessary before, but now you've just taken the cake and ruined what had the potential to be, I'm not kidding, the best fight in the game
for absolutely no reason. The fact that I consider that potential fight the only real challenge should be telling you something.

Now before anyone says "Dur, hur, Cave of Ordeals?" That's not the same. I want a hard fight, not a cheap one. What's the difference? An endurance round where you aren't given any hearts and the only way to beat it without killing your controller/system/TV/neighbor is to use a ridiculously expensive suit of armor which, in a cruel twist of developer irony, drains rupees. And it's otherwise completely useless. That is not fun. That is cheap. Want another example? Megaman 9 (and what I've seen of 10) is cheap. They look like they were made by (or for) the Super Mario World modders, and look like they could give nightmares to the inventors of the Kaizo Trap. That's why I have no intention of playing either.

Above: if Keiji Inafune created New Super Mario Brothers Wii

Moving on to the final battle, do you get something like Ocarina? Lets see, in Ocarina, you fight Ganondorf with the now-obligatory magic ping-pong, while with every hit you land on him more of the floor drops down. When you drop down, it is a pain to climb the central pillar again and again, but to some extent you're grateful for the brief respite to psych yourself back into the fight (and collect some hearts.) When he's dead you flee his collapsing tower only to fight his 'final boss' form.

Let me describe this final battle. You're fighting a monstrous pig-beast in the ruins of it's own castle, which is itself floating atop a pit of lava, which is then surrounded by a ring of destruction and ruined Castle Town beyond that. You're trapped with the boss inside a ring of fire while your magic sword is outside of the ring of fire. This is all set to crazy-awesome-epic music, Complete with (Nintendo 64-era) choirs. I still get chills when I play that. (assuming, of course, I pay the game past the Water Dungeon.)

Now let's take a look at Twilight Princess's final battle(s). First, you fight Zant, The big scary guy you remember from the cutscenes who took over Hyrule, bathed it in shadow, and stabbed you with a curse that trapped you as a wolf. You storm into the throne room and...he's randomly crazy now. Not intimidating anymore. His 'boss fight' consists of an amalgamation of every boss fight so far (in what seems a pathetic attempt to try and 'use the items more') And he goes down like a pansy.

But that's not the real boss fight, you have to go to Hyrule Castle! (for no other reason than your companion tells you to. I personally had no desire to go at all. I did what I set out to do.) So after the previously ranted about puzzle-dungeon of Hyrule Castle, you get to Ganondorf. Then you get not two, not three, but FOUR stages of final battle. The first fight is pretty cool; despite being another round of magic ping-pong, because you're fighting a possessed Princess Zelda.

After that, Ganondorf transforms into Ganon! What do you get? A dual-wielding awesome-fest like previous installments? No. 'Ganon' this time around resembles a giant boar(pun?), and the fight consists of more freaking goat-stopping from the beginning of the game (I guess all that herding actually paid off!) mixed with the Phantom Ganon fight from Ocarina.

So, you fought Ganon, game's over, right? You see a cinematic as your shadow-friend Midna turns into a giant monster with a huge Trident, Goes after Ganondorf, and....you get teleported out of the Castle and into Hyrule Field, where you see the castle explode in the distance. yay.

Then Ganondorf appears somehow bringing a horse with him. (maybe he transformed Midna?) And of course, A horse chase ensues (which is exactly what I think of when I think 'final battle': epic horse chase)

But wait, there's more! The final final battle consists of a duel. One that can be beaten really fast with good timing. We can't have the game too hard, no, that would make it so newcomers (or, y'know, anyone) won't face any challenge during the FINAL BATTLE.

Of course, all these final battles have music screaming 'this is epic,' (complete with gamecube-era choirs) but without any real threat of death, (you might die once, but only because there's four stages of final battle)I'm not buying it.

I really am curious, with all their efforts, how many 'newcomers' they actually got with Twilight Princess.

An e-mail for malstrom

No, it's not from me.

First of all, I find it hilarious that this guy's suggestions are almost exactly what the 'leak' says, only furthering my point.

Here's a clip of what he said about Link's Awakening:

The next interesting bit is that Ganon is not the villain of the game. Third, there is no Princess Zelda, and fourth there is no Triforce, and fifth, there is no Master Sword.

Wow.

He then pretty much goes on to itemize what he wants in a Zelda game, by listing things you can do in The Elder Scrolls series.

I don’t want one kingdom to explore. I want many kingdoms. I don’t want just a village, I want to explore remote settlments, colonies, traverse hostile wilderness, accidentally come across an encampment of bad guys and have to fight them. I want diverse habitats and ecosystems.
...
I want the freedom to either storm into a fort full of badguys with a sword in one hand and a bomb with a lit fuse in the other. Or I would like the ability to use a hook and rope to rappel up into the fort and try to sneak through.
...
There shouldn’t be any “dungeons.” Maybe I need to storm a castle to get an important item. Maybe I need to raid an underground catacomb filled with zombies or mummies to get an item. Maybe infiltrating a monastary requires Link to leap and bound over the surrounding rooftops before sneaking in through the bell tower. Maybe I have to haul ass on my horse to intercept a bunch of ruffians in order to save a fair maiden they kidnapped. Maybe I have to sneak into a prison to rescue an old man who has information I need, or whatever.
...
When I start the game I want to look like a wimp, and then by the end of the game I want to see Link wearing armor, and his Master Sword needs to glowing so bright that it could be used as a lamp in dark places. I want a visual progression to help emphasize Link’s progression through the game, and display the ultimate culmination of all his trials and tribulations. If a guy in a green tunic came up to me and told me he was about to storm a heavily fortified castle with just his sword I would laugh. If I saw a guy come up wearing heavy armor glowing with magic energy and armed with magic and weapons and more than enough gadgets to make even MacGuyver envious, I’d be more willing to take him seriously. I sure as hell wouldn’t laugh.

A guy wearing heavy armor glowing with magic energy? You mean like this?


Anyway, my reaction is similar to Malstroms, this guy doesn't want 'platforming,' because he does not want Mario. If he did, he would play Mario. Despite what he seems to be saying, he does not want Elder Scrolls V: Hyrule. He, like the rest of us, wants more action in Zelda. It's like people I've read in message boards. They seem to thing that 'enemies doing more damage' will solve the problem of 'Zelda has become too easy.' No, there is one big glaring problem with Zelda. What is the biggest complaint about Ocarina? Both Malstrom and the E-mailer mentioned this. Is it the annoying fairy? The tired story about Ganon, Zelda, and the Triforce? No. It's the freaking Water Temple. The last time I played through Ocarina, guess what? I didn't last long after the Water Temple. The main reason is probably because I forgot one key and ended up backtracking though the whole dungeon (because you have to do that to change the water level even once) to get one key.

The thing is, I think that this guy has unintentionally stumbled upon and downplayed a huge part part of the charm of Zelda. You are just a guy in a green tunic and you do storm a heavily fortified castle with just your sword. The problem in Zelda nowadays is that it doesn't feel like that anymore.

Anyone can put on magic armor and look awesome(there is another more appropriate word to use here involving bad donkeys, but I don't use that language). It takes a special kind of person, however, to be dressed in naught but a green tunic and still look awesome, be armed with naught but a sword and still kick trash and take names.

Zelda Wii 'leak'

Deep in a secret lair, a plan is brewing....

Hm, let's see. If I were to fake a leak about an upcoming Zelda game, what would I put in it to get the fanboys excited over?

Well, it would definitely be another game staring the Link from Ocarina of Time. (known around those circles as the Hero of Time. Oh, and by the way, yes they're not just all the same guy.)

And...Yes, definitely have it not take place in Hyrule, that combined with the Hero of Time would garner hopes of Termina. Oh, no Zelda or Ganondorf, either. Because they're the 'reason the series is getting stale.' Probably have a plot not involving the Triforce, either. Brilliant!

Um, what else? Oh, oh, I know! The fairy from the concept art that everyone thinks is the Master Sword isn't the Master Sword, and she isn't annoying and always popping up like the infamous Navi from Ocarina, or Midna from Twilight Princess. I'll have them, now!

What else? Oh, yeah, I have to include what the developers said somehow! There's not the same dungeon-overworld-dungeon setup anymore. Of course, I wouldn't mention that this probably means that the overworld will be minimized (or not be there at all) like in Spirit Tracks. No, I want them to believe me, which means they have to like me.

I need to ignore what Miyamoto said about it being a 'new era' for Zelda, since that could clash with how it's the Hero of Time. He could have been talking about the dungeon setup, but still.. Oh wait! It's the Hero of Time, so time travel must play a part. It can work either way, now! Mwahahahaha!

What!? Someone beat me to it? NOOOOO! Now I have to think of something else.

Press Start

Now that I've had some time to think about the movie and watch it a couple more times, I think I'm able to write a review.

So, Press Start.


I think one of this movie's greatest strength is that it actually tells a story rather than being a random spoofing of everything and everything without any real point, which you get in Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and their ilk. You heard it here; Press Start has better writing that the Scary Movie sequels.

The story revolves around Zack Nimbus, the Anime-haired protagonist who is recruited by Sam (a space suit wearing, er, NOT bounty hunter) and Lin-Ku, (a homicidal Ninja who used to compete in tournaments where single punches would result in buckets of blood. You know the one.) and with the help of a little annoying yellow sprite named Zippy, sets off to counter the forces of Count Nefarious Vile, whose evil empire threatens Zack's little suburban town of, er, suburbia.

I'd like to take a minute and talk about Count Vile, who is the most original character in the movie. Rather than being based on some evil overlord, he's actually more of a business manager and would rather sit and talk with his friend Vlad over the phone and leave the management to his assistant, Johnson.

The movie's other greatest strength is that the actors are actually actors. Not to say that there's any big name A-list actors, (their biggest names are Carlos and Dan Pesina, who played Raiden and Johnny Cage, respectively, in the early Mortal Kombat games) but the people they got are actually capable of acting, which is more than you can say about most of the movies like this.

It's actually good, in that low-budget sort of way. It's one of those where the low budget actually kind of works for it. Not in the Ed Wood so-bad-it's-good sort of way; it knows what it is and has no illusions about being "good." Really it's more like Turkish Rambo: They know they don't have the high budgets, but they work with it and have fun anyway. This should come as no surprise, since Dark Maze (who made the movie) is responsible for the American release of Turkish Rambo.

I would definitely recommend this movie. If you're not sure you want to spend the money to see it, check out the Press Start Adventures which you can find here. Season 1 serves as a sort of prequel to the movie, while the following seasons are a follow-up.

It has arrived!

I hold in my hands what is indeed the greatest movie since Dragonball: Evolution. (I'll get to that one later. Just suffice it to say, I was never a fan of Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball GT, etc. etc. etc., so I could sit back an enjoy the movie for the sheer awesomeness that it is.)

Where do I even begin to review this movie? It's so packed full of nods and references to every video game in existence from Mortal Kombat to Ghosts and Goblins that I couldn't even begin to describe them all. And I don't really want to. This is a movie that has to be seen.

So what can I say other than to buy it yourself and bask in it's glory. Best $12.99 I've ever spent, I can assure you of that.

My mind, it has been blown.

Last night, I found something so amazing my head almost exploded.



TURKISH RAMBO!

Not enough? how about this?



That Rocket Launcher is epic.

This, however, is what made my head asplode.



This looks to be the greatest movie since Dragonball Evolution. I have a copy in the Mail right now, so we shall see.

Expect a review soon.

Whaaa?

What is this? A black controller? I have to get one in black if I want to get it with Wii Motion Plus?

I'm all for having Wii remotes in different colors (finally), but black? PS3 controllers are black. The 360 has black controllers to be 'cool' and to go with their black 'elite' system. Is Nintendo trying to weaken the barriers between systems? Why? People are buying the Wii because it's drastically different from the other systems. What, are they going to start putting out black consoles now?


WHAT!? They already released one in Europe!?

Bad Nintendo! Bad! Don't appeal to the hardcore, they still laugh at the lack of HD. Didn't you learn anything with The Conduit?

Alright, let me take a deep breath, all might not be lost. Malstrom's got a new article with a new thought. Nintendo seems to be planning on releasing Zelda Wii this year, when all the information we have is a piece of development art, Miyamoto's promise that it will be a 'New Era,' and Aonuma talking about flying. Not even a trailer. Could Malstrom be right? Are they just dumping the project so that they can start on a better one? One with Wii Motion Plus combat? I still think there's no hope for Zelda Wii, but there might be hope beyond that.

I'm crossing my fingers.

A plea for Nintendo

I know you have guys working on the new Zelda. I know that Eiji Aonuma is now the guy in charge of development, and I know that these guys love to put puzzles and trains into a fantasy Action/RPG because Mr. Aonuma's son likes it.

But please, PLEASE do something for me. Not just me, but every fan of your beloved series.

I've had Wii Sports Resort sitting around for a while, and I haven't played it much since I bought it, but today I decided to pull it out. I tried something that I hadn't played before, the "challenge" under the swordplay option.

DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN ZELDA WII! I can't express in words the amount of fun that I had playing the challenge mode, but I can say that the amount of fun I had wasn't in just playing the game; while I was playing I envisioned a full game devoted to this sort of combat system, dreamed of one day playing as Link, cutting down enemies left and right. The glee I felt playing, the satisfaction when I finished a level, I haven't felt these lately outside of New Super Mario Brothers Wii.

Please, I know I don't speak alone, and I know that with every Zelda game you make, more and more of your loyal fanbase leaves. Spirit Tracks was the breaking point for me. Despite the train I still had hope, but I put it down after I made it through the first dungeon and haven't picked it up since. I doubt I will be picking it back up anytime in the near future. One can only take so much. I have a glimmer of hope still deep within, waiting for more information on Zelda Wii, but given what you've let fly in recent games, I suspect that that small glimmer will be finally extinguished.

You are not immortal; despite what the 'hardcore' 90's crowd says, people will not keep buying whatever you put out simply because it's got your brand. The reason we've been sticking with you all these years is because of your consistency in putting out good games. Your current games aren't necessarily bad, but they aren't the same franchises that put you at the top, though they may share the name or look.

Please, make a New Legend of Zelda. The sales of both New Super Mario Brothers DS and Wii should not surprise you; these are the games we've been waiting for. Make a "new" Legend of Zelda, a "New" Starfox, and give me a reason to buy them, and not the ones on the Virtual Console instead. Learn from the success of New Super Mario Brothers Wii.

Aonuma is killing your franchise, and I wish you could see that. Put a leash on him before it's too late.